Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
