Are we in a gay sports bar?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
