WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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