screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
