eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
