Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize