I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
