youre lurking in front of me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
