Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
