dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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