My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
