I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
