Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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