recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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