I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
