U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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