i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
