My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
