Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
