Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
