she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
