First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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