yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
