he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
