I look better un-naked...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
