You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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