He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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