i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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