also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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