Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
