guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
