I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
