So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
