Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
