Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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