I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
