You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
