Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
