Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
