if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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