This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
nutella sex= disaster
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
