you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
