you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
