hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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