Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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