he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
