i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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