I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
