that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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