Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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