sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
