Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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