There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
