just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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