babies were throwing up all over the place
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
