Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
