I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize