Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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