I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
