I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
