I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize