and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
