When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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