I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
