Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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