A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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