so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
