Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
