How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
