I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
