Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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