Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
