I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
