I cannot find my penis.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
