Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
