I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize