they said they heard you say put it in my butt
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize