I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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