I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
