I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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