Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
