It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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