Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
