you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
