yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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