This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
