I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize