yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
