the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
