i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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