we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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