We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
