Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
