if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want nice things and good sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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