I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
