that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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