i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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