I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
