Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
