she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
